Tonight, for the first time since she passed away, Lucas finally realized that Alyssa is gone. I guess a huge part of me wanted for him to just carry on and not really have issues with losing his sister, I thought maybe he would be spared such heartbreak and an emptiness that comes with losing someone but tonight, his little almost 6 year old self broke down...my little boy realized that his sister is gone. He was sitting next to me in the living room and so quietly said, "mommy, I want my sister back, I want Lyssa" and then he just broke down in tears. It hurts my heart that he has to feel this at such a young age. My kids miss their sister, each and every one of them....miss her. Such a big hole has been kicked thru the fabric that is our family, but I feel as though the hole is slowly getting a little smaller with each tear that's cried, with each little memory that's mentioned of her, with each new day we are coming to realize that death is part of life, and although we might not fully understand it, or agree with it, it's a circle, a cycle and Alyssa lived, she was alive, she had experiences, she had moments and words and drawings and laughs and tears and Jack and all of those things are still all around us to enjoy, to remember, to feel and to remind us that....ALYSSA WAS HERE. She was here, we got to be a part of her being here, we shared love with her and we will always love her.
sleep well my little Alyssa.
swing Lucas, just not too high.
I miss you so much.